Even Luscious Pastry sometimes puts on a pair of jeans and turns around to look to at its backside in the mirror and says “Oh, dear. Too much cake.” Time to think thin, Luscious. The upshot of that was the misguided purchase of an extremely large box of Weetabix cereal. It looks so healthy and wholesome and British in the picture on the box. In a bowl with milk, however, it looks like… eww. So mushy and tasteless. Still looks British, though. “Gruel” is one of those things you read about in Dickens novels, but never actually see, unless you buy some Weetabix and add milk.
Anne-Charlotte and Jennifer can’t stand to waste food, but what to do with the other 29 Weeta-biscuits still in the box? We know, crush them up and sprinkle them on yogurt! It was very upsetting to throw out that yogurt. Next idea: feed the dry biscuits to the Luscious children as snacks ! That went something like this:
Luscious: Do you like it?
Offspring: <munch, munch> Mwuchmpgf sdmucht.
Offspring: Tastes like a <munch> mufthsnsuhs.
Luscious: What? Tastes like muffins?
Offsrping: <mmfumph> Tastes like <crunch crunch> a moth’s nest.
At this point, Anne-Charlotte was penning an angry letter to the British royal family while Jennifer was resourcefully looking up Weetabix recipes on the internet. There were several, almost all from the UK. How does Weetabix Vegetable Bake sound? Or “Marshmallow Slice”? Not vague enough for you? Then how about something called Nancy Slice? After reading the recipe four times, we’re still not sure what “slice” is, but we think it’s the reason England lost all of its colonies.
Not to be defeated (like England in the War of 1812, ha ha), Luscious decided to make up our own damn recipe. It turns out homemade granola bars are the perfect place to hide a bunch of Weetabix. Plus, the weetabix doesn’t get all mushy here. PLUS granola bars are sound healthy, and Luscious was trying to be health-conscious when we bought that damn Weetabix to begin with. DOUBLE PLUS these are EASY to make and freakin’ delicious. Crunchy, sweet-salty, peanut butter & jelly-y-y. Seriously, best granola bars you ever done ate. Make a batch and send a few to Parliament, just to remind them that we do it Luscious-style in the States.
1 cup old fashioned oats
3 Weetabix biscuits, crushed OR 1 ½ cups crushed cornflakes or rice chex or other crushable cereal- whatever you got around.
½ cup pretzels broken up or crushed into small pieces
¼ tsp sea salt, plus more for sprinkling
4 tbs melted butter or coconut oil. Or canola oil, if you’re that type.
1/3 cup brown sugar
2 TBS molasses
2 TBS honey
1 egg, well-beaten
1/3 cup peanut butter
1/3 cup dried cranberries
Grease a 7 x10 glass baking dish, preheat oven to 350º. Spread oats evenly on a baking sheet and toast for 10 minutes in your preheating oven. In a large mixing bowl, combine toasted oats, the f&#@!g Weetabix, pretzel pieces, and salt. Stir in melted butter, brown sugar, molasses, and honey. Mix in the beaten egg, blending well. Next, add the peanut butter, likewise mixing until well incorporated. Lastly, fold in cranberries. Was that easy, or what?
Spread mixture into the prepared baking dish, and sprinkle lightly with additional sea salt. Bake at 350º for about 15 minutes, until the granola starts to look a little toasty around the edges. Refrigerate for 2-3 hours until set, and cut into bars.
(p.s. these do a better job of sticking together if you keep them in the fridge. They’re not glued together with corn syrup like the grocery store kind, yo.)
(p.p.s. We really like Kate Middleton, so none of this is directed at her personally.)