Brandy, you’re a fine bar (such a FINE bar!)

24 Friday Feb 2012

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Too healthy, must add sugar.

With winter winding down, we wanted to make one more scrumptious, comforting apple dessert before the warm weather arrives. The result: Brandied Apple Cobbler Bars with Dulce de Leche Drizzle (recipe follows). Made with a buttery shortbread crust, fresh apples, and a generous amount of Calvados (apple brandy.)

And despite what you make think, we did not choose to create a dessert featuring brandy just so we could post a link to a Looking Glass video from the 70’s.

Okay, yes, we did. Do not skip:

Luscious just watched that awesomeness 20 times in a row. Poor Brandy– dead-end job as a cocktail waitress and long-distance boyfriend with extreme commitment issues. Not, you know, that the Luscious girls, would, uh, have any experience with that sort of thing whatsoever. Ahem, let’s just move on to the bars. The apple cobbler bars that is, not the 2nd rate bars full of redneck alcoholics where Anne-Charlotte Brandy worked.

BRANDIED APPLE COBBLER BARS with DULCE DE LECHE DRIZZLE recipe
Tastes like the best apple pie you’ve ever had (seriously), in a portable finger food format that’s perfect for parties or outings. The creamy dulce de leche topping makes a superlative stand-in for ice cream.

For the crust
3 cups flour
1 1/2 cups sugar
3 tsp cinnamon
3 sticks salted butter, cold

For the filling:
3 tablespoons butter
8 medium apples, peeled, cored, and sliced
(We used a mix of tart Michigan McIntosh and Pink Ladies. Make sure at least half your apples are firm apples like Pink Lady or Braeburn)
3/4 cup golden raisins
3/4 cup sugar
1/2 cup Calvados
1 tsp cinnamon
3/4 cup flour
1/2 cup sour cream
2 heaping tablespoons orange marmalade

For the dulce de leche: 
One 14 oz can sweetened condensed milk
1 tsp cinnamon
1-2 tablespoons Calvados

What to do:

Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees and butter a 9 x 13 baking dish.

Simmering dulce de leche

Start with the dulce de leche— it takes a while but it’s easy. Don’t be tempted to use a can of ready-made dulce de leche, it will be too thick and we think it tastes a little weird anyway. Remove the label, and puncture or slightly open the lid. So it doesn’t explode, you know? Place the can in a small saucepan and add water to  about 7/8 the way up the sides. Simmer for about two hours, until thickened and light brown in color.

While the dulce is makin’, get going on the crust and streusel topping. Whisk together the flour, sugar, and cinnamon. Cut the butter into small pieces, and cut into the flour mixture with a pastry cutter or your fingers. You can also use a food processor, but don’t over mix:  it’s done when it looks like crumbs, it shouldn’t be smooth. Reserving about 2 cups for the topping, press the mixture into the bottom of the pan. Bake for 15-18 minutes until lightly browned. Let cool for a few minutes before topping with filling.

Now for the filling!

For the filling, melt butter in a large skillet over medium heat. Add the apple slices and toss to coat with the butter. Cover and cook for 5-7 minutes, until apples start to become tender. Remove lid and add raisins, sugar, cinnamon, and calvados. Cook until liquid is thick and syrupy, then pour mixture into a large mixing bowl. Let cool for a few minutes, then stir in flour, sour cream, and orange marmalade.

The cooked filling, ready to go into the crust.

Pour over crust and spread evenly, then top with the reserved streusel mixture. Bake into the oven for 35-40 minutes. Allow to cool for several minutes before drizzling with dulce de leche.

Now turn your attention back to the dulce de leche. Pour about 1/3 cup into a bowl, reserve the rest for another use. Stir in cinnamon and Calvados, then drizzle over the cooled pan of bars.

Allow bars to cool and firm up in the fridge for an hour or two. Cut into bars, and bring a few to somebody you want something from.

Eat.

Somebody still loves you, Gluten.

27 Friday Jan 2012

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piecrusts courtesy of your friend, gluten

Hey Gluten, what did you do to make everybody hate you so much? If you want to know, Luscious is a little touchy about all the gluten-free hype that’s gone on for while. Now truly, some individuals have serious gluten allergies, and for them, the Luscious gals are very happy about all the gluten-free foods now available. But there’s a lot of trash talk going on about poor Gluten, and Luscious finds that irksome (irksome was not the word Anne-Charlotte used.) Gluten is cool. Gluten is, like, magic. Gluten, the naturally developing wheat protein that gives us chewy breads and flaky pie crusts, is a badass.

Jennifer says "Kiss My Am"

Oh, food trends. Luscious suspects that some of these gluten-haters are the same people dissing much-maligned Dairy just so their friends will think they’re cool. Anne-Charlotte and Jennifer  know that a lovingly made apple pie coming out of the Luscious oven is about two million times better for you than hunk of soy cheese driven to your store in 18-wheeler.  And the girls will crank up the Foghat, drive their Trans Am to the parking lot of the trendiest gluten-free vegan establishment in San Francisco, and stand on the hood  loudly proclaiming it to every hipster going in.  That’ll show ’em.

Okay, okay, okay. Luscious does actually make gluten-free desserts. The girls are a little fearful of gluten-free flour (what do you have to do to get the gluten out? Pact with the devil?) but some classic desserts are naturally flourless.  Luscious’ amazing chocolate truffles and meringue cookies are like crack, available for order anytime you need to free yourself from gluten.  And they make a absolutely killer chocolate souffle, but tragically, it will never be part of the Luscious menu: this delicate treat starts to deflate within a minute of coming out of the oven, so must be eaten immediately. So you can either come over to the House of Luscious and eat your souffle right there, or… make your own. Need a fabulous chocolate soufflé recipe? Voila! (that’s French for “keep scrolling.)

Luscious Chocolate Orange Soufflés
Makes individual souffles for 4 lucky ducks

Ingredients
3 large eggs.  (Get the freshest eggs you can, they’re pretty much the main ingredient)
4oz bittersweet chocolate, chopped. (The other main ingredient, so mess around here either.)
3 Tbsp butter
1 tbsp orange liqueur (we like Paula’s Texas Orange)
1 tsp orange zest (optional)
1/8 tsp cream of tartar
1/2 cup sugar

Firstly, butter 4 lovely ramekins, then dust the sides and bottom with sugar. This will give your little souffles something to grab ahold of as they bake up. Pre-heat the oven to 375 degrees.

Then separate the eggs. Yeah, it’s kind of a pain, so just get it over with. If you’re OCD like Luscious, wash your hands about 20 times during this process to prevent salmonella contamination. The whites should go in a medium-sized bowl, you’ll beat these in a bit so you need some room. Going ahead and beats those lovely yolks.

Yolks and whites, separate but equal.

Put the chocolate, butter, and orange liquer in a large glass bowl. Melt in a double boiler, or microwave in 15 second increments, stirring in between microwavings, until melted and smooth. Don’t try to get crazy and go for 30 seconds just to see what happens. What will happen is, you’ll waste a bunch of good chocolate by scorching it. When it’s melted, set aside for 10 minutes to cool.

Mmmm. choco-licious.

Now, get going on the egg whites. Beat on medium speed until foamy. No, a little foamier than that– give it another minute. Then add the cream of tartar and beat until soft peaks form. Next, add the sugar GRADUALLY and keep beating just until you get stiff peaks. That’s what she said. Hey, look, it’s meringue!

Look at those egg whites now!

Stir the egg yolks into the cooled chocolate. Stir in about a third of the meringue, then fold in the rest until just incorporated. Be gentle here, to preserve the structure of the meringue you just spent time on.

Butter 4 individual ramekins, then dust with sugar. Evenly distribute the chocolate mixture among the ramekins.  At this point you can cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for up to a day and half. (This makes an awesome make ahead dessert for a dinner party.)  When you’re ready to serve, pop ’em in the oven, bake for 20 minutes until puffed and set. For the love of God, don’t open the oven until you’re pretty sure they’re done.  Dust with powdered sugar or drizzle with orange sauce (see below). Eat, eat!

Puffy and creamy and chocolately, couldn't you just die?

Orange Sauce
2 tablespoons orange liquer
zest and juice of one orange
3 tablespoons orange marmalade
dash of ginger (optional)
Combine all ingredients in a sauce pan, cook on medium heat until bubbly and somewhat reduced, about 10 minutes.

Sorry about this one, Jesus.

04 Sunday Dec 2011

Posted by in Luscious desserts, Luscious holiday

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Holiday survival elixir

Luscious struggles painfully with Christmas, and not just because Anne-Charlotte embarrasses Jennifer by turning around every time somebody says “Ho! Ho!”   Don’t try to start an argument with Luscious about this being “the most wondeful time of the year.” We will win, here’s why:
– Black Friday fistfights make the Baby Jesus cry.
– 3 out of 5 children are annually traumatized by witnessing their parents argue over how to put the lights on what becomes referred to as “the goddamned tree.”
– Every woman over the age of 26 is expected to dash around like Martha Stewart on diet pills creating a holiday wonderland at home, the office, and school until she’s ready to throw a Christmas elf down a staircase.
– You might to get spend 3 straight days with your crazy family at a time of year you’re likely to get snowed in. See who survives. Alternatively, you can call your mom and say you’re not coming to visit, for a crushing dose of holiday guilt.

In the midst of this hell, we are often at this time of year admonished not to “overindulge.”  Um, okay… if this means we’re not supposed to anxiously medicate ourselves with fudge and spiked eggnog, well, then just give Luscious a second to  put down our cocktail and grab our bible. Checking… no, nowhere in here does it specifically say that Jesus doesn’t want us celebrating his birthday with thumbprint cookies and Jack Daniels.

In fact, sometimes, when we we drink a lot Jesus talks to us, and says “go get out the butter.”   And we do. Order your holiday boxes now:

Carmelitas and Peppermint Brownies

Gift box: 4 big bars or 8 petite bars in a cutie be-ribboned gift box- $10. 
Party box: 1 dozen big bars or 24 petite bars boxed and ready for your holiday party, $24

choose from….

Chocolate Peppermint brownies
The perfect holiday treat– decadent, mint-infused  melty fudge brownies.

Buttered Oat Carmelitas
Our incredible homemade caramel make these a perpetual favorite with Luscious customers. Buttery rich caramel, chocolate, pecans, oat streusel.

Plus… Luscious Chai gift tins and jars!

Limited quantites! To order, contact us by email yummy@lusciouspastry.com 

The truffle recipe they don’t want you to see

11 Friday Feb 2011

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Luscious Valentine's Truffles

Our Valentine’s gift to you: our favorite truffle recipe. This originally appeared in the newsletter of the neighborhood in which Luscious resides. Because it contained none our typical references to alcohol and drugs or even a single 4-letter word, we thought it was, like, Sunday school conservative. Nonetheless, all the snarky bits got edited out and it sounded like Suzanne Sommers wrote the fucking thing. So here it is, in its entirety.


So. Some people think they’re too socially conscious or something for Valentine’s Day, because “it’s a hyped up Hallmark holiday and I show my love all year long, not just on one day, blah, blah.”  Ummm, whatever—did you say something about love, we stopped listening. Valentine’s day is about one thing: chocolate. Make your sweetie some of these easy, homemade, earl grey infused truffles, and then give him/her/it irresistible doe-eyed looks until they share them with you.

Ingredients:
2/3 cup heavy cream
2 tablespoons salted butter, cut into a few pieces
4 Earl Grey tea bags; the better quality the tea, the more fragrant your truffles will be
6 oz. bittersweet chocolate
6 oz. semisweet chocolate
(use the best chocolate, like El Rey or Scharfenberger, you can get. Remember, the plan is to eat half of these yourself)

Coatings
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 cup finely crushed almonds
1/2 cup powdered sugar

Bring the cream and butter to a boil, then turn heat to low, a bare simmer at the most. Put the tea bags in the cream (dangle the tags off the side or snip them off) and let that steep for about 10 minutes. Take out the tea bags.

While you’re impatiently waiting for the tea to steep in the cream, chop up the chocolate very fine, or be lazy and put it a food processor. Have a whisk at hand. Put the chocolate in a sturdy glass bowl, then pour the warm cream through a fine mesh sieve over the chocolate and whisk like crazy until the chocolate melts and the mixture is smooth. At this point, try not to just grab a spoon start eating. Exercise restraint and place the bowl in the fridge. Then go find something productive to for about 30 minutes to an hour or more, until the chocolate is firm enough to roll into little balls, as that’s what you’ll do next.

Put the cocoa powder, crushed almonds, and powdered sugar into individual small bowls.  Lay out a sheet of wax paper on a baking sheet. Use a spoon or a small ice cream scoop, or a melon baller (okay, you probably don’t have a melon baller) and scoop out about a 1″ inch diameter hunk of the chocolate mixture, then roll around in your hand to make a ball. Then roll your little chocolate ball in one of your 3 coatings, put it on the wax paper, and voilá, a truffle. Continue until you use all the chocolate mix, varying your coatings. You may need to wipe your hand frequently, this can get messy.  During this process, eat at least two truffles for quality assurance purposes. Note: it’s best to keep the truffles refrigerated.

For a fancy presentation, you can get candy boxes and the little pleated brown candy cups at baking supply or art/hobby stores.

xoxo
Luscious

Luscious, where you been?

05 Sunday Sep 2010

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Well, Luscious made barely a peep over the summer, causing the rumors to swirl. It was widely believed that Jennifer was having in DC having a scandalous affair with Ben Bernanke (strangely enough, not true), and that Anne-Charlotte was, yawn, in rehab (no, not yet.) The fact is, their agent decided that the best way to really explode Luscious in the fame stratosphere was through the tried and true pathway of reality television. The Luscious girls were afraid that this was a bad idea, and they were absolutely correct. Some outtakes:

SURVIVOR:WHERE THE HELL ARE WE NOW?

Host: Luscious Tribe, for your first challenge, we want you to wade through this mucky swamp where goats poop, to the other side where you’ll eat a big bowl of grubs and the “creme” from the middle of Twinkies.

Anne-Charlotte: Are you kidding?

Host: Um….

Anne-Charlotte: Hell, no, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of.  If you want me, I’ll be over by the lagoon reading my copy of Southern Divorcée Magazine.

Host: Uh…Jennifer?

Jennifer: No, thanks. But I did find a way to make brownies out of  yucca root and taro powder, would you like one?

THE APPRENTICE

Donald Trump: Luscious, did you complete your first assignment?

Jennifer: Well… not exactly. But we did make a you a Vanilla Rum Bundt Cake!

Anne-Charlotte: Actually, here’s the deal. We can’t look at your hair anymore. Please just take the damn cake and fire us.

Donald Trump: Done.

So then, some young, hip, but misguided Hollywood producers heard about “the Luscious girls”  and got the idea to make a sexy reality show called Real Housewives of North Central Austin. You’ll be unsurprised to learn this was cancelled after two episodes, when the deeply disappointed film crew realized there were no catfights or lingerie shopping going on, only tired moms discussing NPR articles and biking to PTA meetings.  When the producers failed to even whip Jennifer and Anne-Charlotte into an argument over who would get to deliver a batch of Carmelitas to the cute manager at TacoDeli north (Anne-Charlotte: “Just let Jennifer do it, it’s her turn and anyway I have to clean out the cat box.”), the frustrated show creators threw in the towel and are now pursuing a hopefully more titillating series about organic gardening enthusiasts in Travis Heights.

Finally, the Luscious Pastry mamacitas were called in as last minute replacements on the ROCK OF LOVE, which resulted in a good deal of puzzlement on the part of Brett Michaels, and pure horror on the part of Luscious.

Brett: Heyyyy Luscioussssss, why are you hiding here in the kitchen? Let’s play some strip poker with the other girls!

Anne-Charlotte: (whimper)

Jennifer: Oh, gee, uh, we would, uh, love to, but we have some cappuccino cheesecake squares in the oven right now…

Brett: Well, I would definitely like to get my lips on your cheesecake, let’s discuss  it in the hot tub.

Anne-Charlotte: (muffled scream)

Brett: What’s wrong baby, how about a backrub?

Anne-Charlotte: OH MY GOD, HE TOUCHED ME! I’M INFECTED! I’VE CONTRACTED GONORRHEA! SOMEBODY DOUSE ME IN GRAIN ALCOHOL!!

Jennifer: Ahem. Brett, why don’t you sit down and have a chocolate pecan pie bar, and we’ll talk about that guyliner.

Yeah, so that was pretty much a fucking trainwreck. Both of our Luscious heroines are way too classy for the reality TV circuit, even Anne-Charlotte.  So Luscious  Pastry will be spending the fall staying away from the cameras, whipping up those yummy desserts and wedding cakes, and fending off repeat marriage proposals from Brett Michaels, who, like everyone else, just can’t get enough Luscious.

The blog about what we didn’t blog about.

30 Tuesday Mar 2010

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Alright, it’s pretty bad, the blog hasn’t been updated in quite a while.  Here’s all the proposed blog topics that never saw the light of day, due to too much actual baking taking up everybody’s time:

why? why? why????

– The Olsen twins, and why they dress so badly. Seriously, what is the point of being the wealthiest elves in the world if you wear clothes that look like they came straight off the Dillard’s clearance rack in 1988?

– The Luscious blog stats which report that some individuals have inadvertently been lead to the site by using keywords like “Jungle Room Decor”, “Kitchen Safety”, and “Hot Chicks.” The hot chick guy must have felt pretty let down, unless he also likes pictures of Dr. Pepper Cake.

– The $40 “Crack Pie” sold by Momofuku in New York, and their biggest fan, Anderson Cooper, who would probably pay $50 if it had a shiny surface in which he could see his own reflection.

– What a crummy reality show Luscious Pastry would make, because nobody gets in screaming arguments or makes out with Bret Michaels in a hot tub. Eewww, Bret Michaels and baking do not go together.

– Sarah Palin, but there was just too much material and Jennifer started to hyperventilate.

– Dolly Parton and how she totally kicks ass and is the Tennessee Whisky Pecan Pie Bar of the country music world, but Anne-Charlotte kept watching the “I will always love you” video over and over again while dabbing away tears, and ran out of time to blog.

There was also some discussion of blogging about food and baking. Well, actually, no there wasn’t, because everybody already knows about the super deliciousness being concocted weekly by our Luscious heroines. Besides, you can’t eat a blog.